I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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