return my video game
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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