i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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