Who did Billy Mays play for?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
