i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
