i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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