That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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