I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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