Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
