I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your cock deserves a montage
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize