Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
