I bet he comes in French.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
