my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
