The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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