You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
