Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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