All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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