I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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