alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
