Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
