I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
