well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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