i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize