just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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