Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
