I think I am morally bankrupt
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
