I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
