He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize