JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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