I bet he comes in French.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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