It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
