i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
