I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
