If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
that is very illegal...i love you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
