Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wear drunk well.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
