that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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