i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
