I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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