Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
