I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
