I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
