..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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