i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
