So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize