Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
