we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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