you turned your livingroom into a bong?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
