so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
