he puts the penis in happiness.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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