I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
