so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
