people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
