was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We left the knife in your bed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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