Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
