my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
