my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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