My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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