Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
