I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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