Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
