Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize