Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
