would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
