I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
